I had a hard time falling asleep last night.  The rain and the lightning were worth the lost sleep.  The thunder, its constant, baleful moaning, was an aural feast, a tympannic delight, rolling across the contours of the city.

Without the crises of a fight, there is no residual anger to spawn a desire to 'win' the break-up.

Living well may be the best revenge, but there is no reason to seek revenge.

Living well for the sake of myself, simply because doing what is best and right and good for me is the best thing I can do in this time, that is a purpose to which I can ascribe.

As I move forward, and I do believe I am, slowly, surely, gaining confidence and momentum as I do, I begin to realize the best qualities in me and to recognize that those have always been my own strengths, independent of who I served.

When you find someone, as I did with SJ, who draws those qualities from you, brings them to the light, and creates an environment, a bed of fertile soil, which nurtures those qualities into the bloom of success and light, it can become tempting and too easy to then attribute those qualities to him, to fall into a trap of self-doubt where those qualities are only possible through him.

I see and understand the beautiful garden we created together and I also see that the qualities, the seeds if you will, are mine.  Perhaps some are cuttings and some are seedlings for many of them are well-germinated.  The power and ability and knowledge to plant them anew, to till my own soil and manifest success and light reside within me.  Just as they reside in him.  Just as the seeds stay with him too.  Together we shared and created and what remains in each of us is inherently good.  Our time together gave us each new strengths and abilities and knowledge.

That includes the strengths necessary to move forward independently.  Independence.  It is a difficult concept to embrace, this new shoot in my garden.  For weeks, I tried to pluck it out like a weed.  It continues to grow.  Now I begin to see the beauty and grace of it, to treasure what this newly discovered light will bring to my life.  I have not reached the point of rejoicing in it, I've accepted its presence, and I can acknowledge that with it, good will come.

well wishes ~ KM Kern